I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
