fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still have a little drunk in my system
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize