I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
