my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
