You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
