So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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