Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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