Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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