i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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