Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So vagazzling was a success
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
