Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
