do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
