tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
