Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i think i just lost a toe
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
