So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
