His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
