explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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