WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was not drunk enough for that final.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
