I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
