Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
