A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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