I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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