Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
