she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize