I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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