theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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