he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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