Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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