ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
