I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no, he came in my armpit
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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