sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
