well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
