We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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