I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
