May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sext me about skeletons
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
