Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
