I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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