I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize