No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
