i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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