M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
