I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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