If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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