So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
