Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
