Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
