you traded sex for a burrito?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
