If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
