You can't special order awesome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
