So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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