Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
