I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
worst night to have a conscience
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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