There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
