we're blogging at a bar
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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