Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
