Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
