apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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