I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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