Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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