you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
