Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
operation have a gay friend backfired
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
