I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
