I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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