I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
did i just pee glitter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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