he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
