Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
