Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
