I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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