I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
