RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
