I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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