I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
