Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize